Transformation to "Motherly"

This week as we gather at the well, we are discussing the traits of being "motherly". I think that as women, there are many opportunities for us to show this trait. To me, being motherly carries the traits of showing love, care, and concern. It is also the acts of teaching and training and guiding. We have many relationships in our lives where we can do any or all of these things.

We teach, train and guide our children as they grow. We teach them good behavior, how to live strong moral lives. We teach them about the Bible and its teachings. We guide them towards the Lord. As we grow older we have a responsiblity to young mothers and wives to love them, to care for them and to be willing to give of our time to provide guidance as they seek and grow.

However, as we are human we all have an area of our life that holds us back in some area of being "motherly". For some, it is a difficult marriage or a troubled childhood. For others, it is struggles that are difficult to overcome.... sometimes financial, sometimes emotional... sometimes both at the same time.

As I look at how I teach my children, in particular, I immediately see one area in which I struggle. This area encompasses several different feelings and reactions for me depending on what exactly is happening at the time. But, from the perspective of my children, it usually comes out in hearing Mom talk about someone in a way that is not always loving.

This person has a close relationship to our family and a most definite relationship with my children. I have always struggled with my relationship with this person as I have many times found this person to be sometimes critical, sometimes judgemental, and even at times, unkind. At the same time, I know this person loves me, loves my husband, loves my children. However, I don't focus on the postives... I focus on the negatives. And, unfortunately, sometimes I am not discerning with when and where I discuss these negative feelings that surface. My children have heard me complain. Not very motherly, huh?

This is an area in which God has been convicting me for some time and, honestly, I keep trying to run away. Why? Probably for many reasons. It certainly is easier to focus on the negative. Much easier to overlook the good and focus on the bad (why is that, by the way? Oh, how I wish it was the reverse!). I think, too, that by doing what I know I should that I then have to take action myself. I have to admit that I can't change how this person chooses to act and, then, I must overlook the behavior. And, honestly, the human part of me rebels at that! Why should I have to overlook unkind comments or criticism directed towards my children just because I know deep down inside that this person does love us and just doesn't always know how to show it appropriately?

Ultimately, though, for the sake of my family I MUST do just that. I must learn to focus on the good. I must overlook the bad. I must continue to do what I know is best for my husband and my children even if it means words of criticism from someone else. I must continue to remind myself that this person does love us and there are other circumstances (many of which I will never know or understand) that causes the reactions we see at times. And, I have to accept the fact that, while I will probably have to discuss these things with my children as they get older, that I MUST do so in a way that brings love and respect to the person in question. And, ultimately, I must turn it ALL over to God and allow Him to work in the situation. It is only thru Him that I can truly move forward and make this better. It is only thru Him that I can "transform to Motherly".... in this situation and in others.

How do we, though, overcome these types of situations that keep us from living out our motherly traits? Those gifts that God has given us as women? I think it boils down to all I said in the previous paragraph... turning it over to God, accepting that we can't change the situation but instead we must change how we react to the situation. But, that's not always so easy, is it? For me, it's going to start like this. I am going to pray about it. And, not just every now and then as I do now. I will pray about it regularly. Each time we go to see this particular person, I will pray before we leave. I will pray while we are there. I will pray as we leave. I'm going to attack the situation with prayer. I am going to ask God's guidance in how I react both before and after each visit. I am going to ask God's guidance to my direct responses and behaviors towards the person. I am going to pray for God to help me with discernment in the way that I would keep my mouth shut about this situation in front of my children.

Will you join me today in trying to overcome a situation in your life that affects how you carry out loving and caring and teaching your family?

Are My Movtives Pleasing to God?

Are my motives pleasing to you, God?

As I read thru the discussion questions for this week I can see where I have gone thru so many different stages in this area. And, I continue to go thru them. While I would love to say that I always have motives that are pleasing to God, it simply is not true.

Here are the discussion questions and then I'll take you on a bit of my journey where motives are concerned....


What is the real underlying motive for all the good stuff that you do?

For example, Do you go to church to fulfill an obligation?

Do you get involved to get a reaction from someone; possibly pity, recognition or even money?

Do you volunteer in your child’s classroom to analyze the new teacher or is it to help?

Do you share prayer requests for a chance to gossip or because you truly care and are praying?


When I look at my motives for attending church over the years and being involved in various church activities, I see so many phases that I have gone through. It reminds me of the stages we go thru as we grow from infants to children to teenagers and then move into adulthood. Constantly maturing as we grow... developing stronger relationships.... learning as we go about what is truly important and is worthy of our focus.

As a child I always attended church. I would never have thought of doing anything different. I was raised in a Christian home and we attended church regularly. It was comfortable place for me with many friends and loved ones. However, as comfortable as it was and as normal as it was, I was there primarily because my parents took me. They saw to it that I was in church.

As I moved into my teen years, I was still always involved in church, but I remember this age as the first times that I didn't always want to be there. After a fun Saturday night out with friends, getting up early on Sunday morning to attend church wasn't always the priority for me that it should have been. Occassionally I had to miss out on other activities because of church services or church related activities. My motives for being at church was, many weeks, because that is where I was expected to be by my parents. I was involved in many youth activities, so while I willingly attended, it was more because I knew I would have fun with my friends. Oh, yea... and my high school boyfriend attended the same church. I'm sure that played into my motives, as well. :)

During college was the first time I would periodically skip a Sunday morning service. Nobody was there to make me go and it just seemed kind of grown up to be able to make the decision NOT to go (boy, did I have that backwards, huh?). Often I went because my friends were going or I felt a bit guilty because I knew my parents would want me in church.

Once out of college I attended the church my parents attended. I became actively involved in the singles sunday school class and over the next few years became a children's sunday school teacher, preschool children's choir teacher, and became a member on a couple of church committees. I think back to that time and I'm sure some of those were places where God wanted me to be, but I also know that alot of my decisions to accept those positions were more for one of two other reasons.... 1)my friends were involved, or 2)I could not, for the life of me, tell anyone 'No'.

In my late twenties, I moved out of state and was further away from my family that I had ever been. I was single, but was living in the same city with my boyfriend (who is now my hubby). The first year or so after I moved I went thru phases with my involvement in church. And, honestly, when I did attend it was more out of a feeling of responsiblity or guilt.

After Jeff and I were married, we did attend church. Although, for some time it was sporadic. However, after we had been married a year or two we found this great church in our area. It is here that we have made our church home. It is here that we are raising our children to love the Lord. It is here that I (and Jeff) have realized and refocused my motives.

I can honestly say for the first time in my life that I don't attend church because I fell guilty if I don't or because someone else expects me to be there or any of a thousand other reasons. I am there each Sunday morning because I WANT to be there and becuase I feel that is where the Lord wants me to be. And, on those rare occasions when I wake up on Sunday morning and just don't feel like getting out of bed, I am ALWAYS so glad that I did drag myself up and on to church. I leave renewed and refreshed... ready to go out and face the week ahead of me. Fully knowing that God is with me and I have spent a wonderful morning worshiping Him. A worship time that usually stays with me thru the week in my own personal Bible Study and praise times.

As I've shared all this, I realize I've written a longer post than I had intended. What I've wanted to communicate here is that, at least for me, realizing my true motives has been a journey. I have had to "grow up" in my physical maturity, in my mental maturity, and in my spiritual maturity to find my true motives and to begin making them "right" in my own life. I still miss the mark on many days, but I am growing and finding that as I seek the Lord more and more in my daily life, that my motives are becoming more in line with what and where the Lord would have them.

At the Well - Titus 2:2-5

This is my first time to join in on "Gathering At the Well". I've been reading posts from others that participate in this weekly meme for awhile now and decided it was finally time for me to jump in and join the others meeting "At the Well" each week.

The topic for today comes from the passage of scripture found in Titus 2:2-5. The scripture reads like this....

"Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance. Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored."

Wow! What an important bit of scripture for us as women to read and to understand! So much of how we should live and communicate with our world is contained in these words. My thoughts on a few aspects are contained below as I answer the discussion questions for this week.


How do you see this playing out in your own life?

I see myself, really, falling into both the categories of the younger women and the older women. I'm in that "middle aged" category... I feel that I still have so much that I can learn from women older than me that have been married longer, raised their children to adult ages and walked with the Lord longer than I. On the other hand, I have learned so much that I can share with women younger than myself. I really feel the Lord calling me to be an encourager to others in their walk with with the Lord. I think acting in the part referred to in this passage as "the older woman" fits with that calling that I am hearing right now.

What are your areas of strength? Of weakness?

Oh, my... weaknesses! :) I'm not the best "worker at home".. at least not when it comes to tasks that revolve around housework. And, unfortunately, I do suffer at times with my attitude. When life isn't going the way I want it to go, when I am struggling, when I am tired. I don't present the attitude of kindness and I'm very sure that I dishonor God on these days. I'm learning more and more to just turn it over to God. What a difference it makes to let Him take all that "bad stuff" away and replace it with the "good stuff".

I think my strengths probably lie in the areas of encouragement and, maybe, teaching. The teaching (at least publicly) scares me... at least with adults. I'm fine with children and do teach a children's Sunday School class, but the teaching of adults is WAY out of my comfort zone. However, I'm finding that opportunities are coming my way that could possibly lead more and more in this direction. I'm also learning there are many ways to teach besides in a classroom setting which does interest me very much. We'll see..... God has a way of bringing us right out of our comfort zones and guiding us in a way that takes out all the uncomfortableness.

If you could set some sort of goal in relation to this Scripture, what would it be?

Oh, most definitely to be more cheerful as I go about the tasks at home! This can be such an area of weakness for me and I truly want to do it joyfully. I want to go about my days in this area -- and all parts of my life -- with a true joy. The kind of joy that can only be found in the Lord.

I also want to make it a goal to always be open to whatever it may be that the Lord is trying to teach me or a direction in which He may be leading. Regardless of how I feel about it (scared, unworthy, opposed, etc), I want to be open to His leading and always willing to follow.


To join us "At the Well" this week, visit At the Well... In Pursuit of Titus 2.