After both kids were in bed and asleep and the house was quieter I shared some of my frustrations with my husband. I apologized for the way I had acted. As usual, he listened and was sympathetic. He forgave me. I was still in "feel bad for myself" and "guilt" mode. He needed to spend some time working so I went downstairs and pulled out iPod for some quiet time with some good Christian music.
I had it set to shuffle mode, so had no idea where it would start. These lyrics from a Mark Shultz song were the first to play:
I believe that He loves you where you are
I believe that you've seen the hands of God
I believe that you'll know it when
You're back in His arms again
I believe that He never let you go
I believe that He's wanting you to know
I believe that He'll lead you 'til
you're back in His arms again
I can't tell you how much I needed to be reminded of that at that very time. I was tired and frustrated. I was guilt-ridden because of my behavior. And, while I had turned to Christian music, I really wasn't turning anything over to God at that very moment. I had spent an evening turning away from him... my very actions proved that.
"I believe that He loves you where you are"... I love that phrase. I can't tell you how many times in my life it has brought such great comfort to know that God loves me no matter where I am at that very moment. I wasn't acting very loving Thursday night, but God still loved me. He was still right there with me. As the song goes on to say, "I believe that He never let you go". Yes, He was still holding onto me even if I wasn't recognizing that fact at that moment. And, oh what a wonderful feeling it is to know that I am "Back in His Arms Again".
While I am sure this song is probably referring to much worse situations than I was in last week, I think it is true for any situation whether it be big or small. Almost daily (at least for me) I walk away from God... if only briefly. Regardless, though, of whether I walk away or not He doesn't leave me. He is still holding on to me. Lovingly and patiently waiting for me to turn back to Him.
Here's the full song. I pray that it will bless you as it has me over the last few days.